The SILLY Squad

Pam the Piano

Pam wasn't manufactured like a regular piano. She arrived. Legend says she just appeared one morning in SillyGoofyLand's town square, demanding royalties. No one ordered her, no one wanted her. Yet she's still here, glaring with 88 teeth and daring you to press the wrong one.

Pam plays herself, violently, at unpredictable times. It's midnight o'clock? Full concert. At the dentist? Rhapsody. Great-grandmother's funeral? Dubstep remix. Last week she smashed her own lid shut so hard it registered on the Richter scale.

Her grudges are legendary. She hates accordians ("disgusting breathing furniture"), she has extreme beef with church bells ("lazy upside-down spoons"), and she once tried to fight a marching band by rolling downhill into their parade. People still talk about "The C-Minor Incident," which left 47 confused ducks wandering downtown.

Pam the Piano does not make music, she declares war through sound. If you ignore her, she will play Chopsticks until your will to live collapses.