The SILLY Squad

Miss Triangle

Diva. A geometry diva. The triangle herself. She devours angles for breakfast and wears a golden crown (because a tiara just isn’t enough). Perfectly equilateral, never obtuse, never even acute. Her lashes? Fuller than your paycheck. Lips? Classified as a natural disaster. She does not walk in heels, she punctures the earth at 45 decibels per step.

Scientists have discovered that her eyelashes are strong enough to fan global warming back into balance, but she refuses “because drama is hotter.” She has a history of suing squares and circles for being “boring,” staring directly into microwaves just to “feel something,” and licking protractors for flavor.

The last time someone tried to measure her, the ruler screamed and fled into the ocean. The last time someone called her “basic,” their house turned into an Arby’s.