Scientists Confirm Mondays Are Legally a Hoax, Refuse to Elaborate

A newly released and extremely unofficial report claims Mondays "do not hold up under scrutiny" and may in fact be "a construct designed to ruin brunch." The research team, consisting of one person and a whiteboard, stands by the findings completely.

The report also recommends replacing all Mondays with a "second Saturday." No government spokesperson has responded yet, but Dr. Breadhead remains hopeful.

Calendar manufacturers have declined to comment, mostly because they were not aware this was a debate.