Local Cat Denied Sillygoofyland Citizenship for "Insufficient Chaos," Baddie Offers to Coach

A neighborhood cat's application for honorary Sillygoofyland citizenship was rejected this week by the Bureau of Vibes after reviewers determined the cat's TikTok presence "lacked range."

"We watched forty seconds of a cat sitting near a window," said a Bureau spokesperson. "Sitting is not silly. Sitting is furniture behavior."

Enter the Hot Dog Baddie, owner of Club Bunz and Sillygoofyland's foremost authority on unearned confidence, who has volunteered to personally mentor the cat through what she's calling a "Bun-to-Icon Pipeline."

"You don't need talent," the Baddie explained, adjusting a sunglasses lens that has been welded to her face since 2009. "You need a costume, a theme song, and the emotional stability of a ketchup packet. I built an entire nightclub on confidence and free ketchup shots until 10pm. The fire department still calls me 'a recurring problem.' That's a compliment where I'm from."

Under the Baddie's guidance, the cat has reportedly been assigned a stage name, three costumes ("cowboy, superhero, and 'mysterious raccoon'"), and a strict fifteen-to-sixty-second attention span rule, which the cat already meets naturally.

Citizenship review board chair Mr. Square Man — this reporter, in his other job — has recused himself from the case, citing "a soft spot for anything wearing a tiny hat."

Results of the cat's second application are expected before the next Geometry Parade, where, if approved, it will be permitted to ride on the float directly behind Miss Triangle, provided it does not attempt to upstage her.